A poster I made for a monstrous hungry woman. None have seen her earlier. She comes out of nowhere. She is red. And hungry.

Confusion. God or Spirit?

I dont know what to say, about religion because I am an Agnostic.
NOT an Atheist.
Agnostic is a person who does not,NOT believe in Almighty,but is just not sure whether there is some power there or not.
Confusion basically.
And I master confusion.

I dont get it when people term it Bhagvan,Allah,Christ and all.
If I have to believe,there is probably,one power up there,somewhere,which ..I dont know..controls everything?
Thats because of the miracles that happen.
But then I think,that all Spirit and Ghost stories should be true too,right?
I havent seen either.
How do I believe in it?
But my mom prays,she says certain people have powers.
Those certain people are human beings just like me.Why dont I have them then?
Maybe because I havent concentrated enough.But what do I concentrate on?
Why does science say,there is no magic and witchcraft?
But why do backward people still believe in it?
Who are backward?
They who believe in superstitions? Or the scientists who have destroyed their beliefs and are having a cold ,subdued form of World MIND War with them?
But yet,why do I find myself,praying and saying ''God please let this happen''.when I dont believe in him actually?
Is it just in the mind? or when my prayer fruits,did God really do it?
Or was it just luck?
What is luck again?
Isnt it co-incidence?
If it is, what is an incidence?
Why do people record incidents?
Why do you preserve and want to people to know you?
Why do you collect money,and have all materialistic cravings,when you know you are going to leave the earth one day,with nothing,absolutely?
What happend when you die?
Where do you go?
Do you become a Spirit,or A GOD.?
Do people remember you?
Or do they curse you?
but how will you know?
Your dead,arent you?
So how do the Gods know?
Arent they dead as well,because you cant see them?
And they are spirits again,now,right?

Moonlight Sonata. A poem and image made to illustrate it.

The darkness grew

Just when she had no clue.

Awoken bu the owl's hoot

She rushed to the window and stared blankly

She stared unknowingly.

There was an uncanny feeling

There was a weird reeling.

The wind gushed

Like it was in a rush

Leaves floated in air

With no responsibilities to bear

The eerie feeling,felt good

Somehow,with her,it could

Communicate.

Elucidate.

The feeling within her

As she clenched the soft fur

Of the teddy she got last summer

It gave her the courage to leave it behind

To let her unwind

The rusted mechanisms that lay

Within her mind's play.

In the dream she walked

When nothingness talked

Past that lonely bench,that quirky tree

Which gave her new visions to see

The world in a new wave

The future in a new gaze

The future that would be bright

The future that would bring white light.

The surroundings became cold

The darkness grew

But she wasn't afraid,because she knew

That it was the fear within

It was the fear of her mind-made sin.

The moon was above

Her guidance was love

She knew they wouldn't leave her

She knew she could trust them.

In bliss she turned around

To see that nothing was found

No bench ,no tree

No hum of any honey-bee

The moon hid behind big dark clouds

The clouds that just enhanced

Her already heavy breathing

The floating leaves,lay on the ground,dead

They squeaked and had all turned red

The owl had disappeared

And the wind chased behind her

The thing,she most feared

She ran,she ran,she ran

She hopped ,skipped ,jumped

Through puddles and roads that bumped

Up and down,up and down,up and down

But all that increased ,was her frown

Panicked,she fell down

To find,that she was on the edge of the town

She heard a peculiar tune

She recalled them saying ''You will hear it again,soon''.

This was the time.

This was when her life would rhyme

Along with them,along with the tune,along with her fear

She knew she had to run along that same way

She knew,now she would not have a say

But a choice is not what she wanted

She wanted to show them,she was not for granted

Wiping her tears,she walked.

She walked back.

To them.Through the thorns.

Through those nasty unborns.

She faced them eye to eye.

She knew.

It was their time to cry.

In a dream she walked

When nobody talked

And the darkness grew

When she laid the clue.

Freedom.

With a catastrophe of restrictions we walked

Past superficial attitudes , as we laughed

Held back with the pressures of the outsides,

We went restricted in in the life’s ride

In claustrophobic surroundings ,

We unhappily followed all abidings

But as the clock ticked,

With an effort of ourselves to be lit

We came her.

And not thinking , we started in top gear

We started running along in this race

Which ,as taught, was more of a chase

But then there was an abrupt stop

And what we experienced was a ‘’wake up’’ knock.

We stood there confused

Our mind triggers , diffused

It was a weird feeling

That got all our heads reeling

We tasted something so sweet , yet so sour

Felt like years went by , just in an hour

We were bound together

We were for each other.

For once selfishness did not matter

For once our minds were out of that clutter.

We looked around in hypnosis

We chucked all vague efforts of making any analysis.

So many colors

So many smiles

So many teasers

So much , after walking miles

Millions within our reach

And all our minds that could now teach

Teachers became friends for once

We left behind all our mind-made fears for once

For once we did not care

For once we did share

Our thoughts ,our expressions,

Our feelings , our emotions

So different ,yet so similar

Poles apart , yet familiar

This feeling was better than marijuana , wine or rum

This is how NID , bound us together with FREEDOM.

I wrote this poem,as a part of our Visual Language course.

Just describing what NID has done to us,to me,more of.

Which,umm..was not really the purpose of the given assignment.

But,nevermind.

Rain.Steam and Speed. ( based on the painting by William Turner)

Like the fiery steam,i move through
Cloudy days and mystique nights,
Abiding by all thats around me
In my catastrophic happiness and fearless frights.
Like the tracks,my life's laid
Open as the greens,with endless rains.
And it comes to me as i gush past the moving fog,
Leaving behind all my stains.

But in this fast moving world,i lose myself,
In the thoughts of that unknown elf.
The crystal blues scatter by
In my world of darkness,placed up so high.
I try stepping down,but chained i feel
And find myself gurgling in the ocean wheel.
I try running away,but i fail
Only to know,i am bound by this trail.
Upon tolerating bridges,and the fading rivers
Seeing the blues turn yellow,my heart quivers.
I see them screaming,fighting,and i hide myself
And close my soul in that rusted shelf.

But then the rains evoke me,and i find mysef running
So fast that i forget turning.
Like an engine pulled machine i rush along
When everything blurs and i lose my inners,that made me strong
Mystiques become hindrances,and throw me back
And i find myself on that same shack.
I fail but tell myself its not forever
And with this,i wash down all my shiver.
I run back along that same track
The spikey rains,the misty steam cannot hold me back.
Arounds blur,jealous screams purr.
But i run along
To complete my life-song.

Elf.

That first announcement
That first excitement
That first feeling
That got my head reeling

The story of each villain
The story of his pain
The story we all share
The story to say,which none dare

In the catastrophy where i belong
That uncertainty ,I have held so long
The relativity of good and evil
Thats for so long had douched me and my upheaval
To know what ‘’He’’ feels like to the story of his side
To see the impact he made on us
Just to entangle our brain-wire in such a fuss
How he messed my inners with vile
And made me come out of my juvenile
How indirectly He had a say in everything i did
And how he opened that forever closed lid
How he dusted that lonely-rusted shelf
How he came to be my ever dreamt elf.
Yet they pointed
Yet they screamed
Yet they doubted
And called him The Bad One
Who had not yet sprouted

His character was made so strong
Yet he could never last long
Only though,on the silver screen
But in dreams, He was there in every scene
AND they hated him
They were disgusted
And he could never be trusted.
But who is remembered when you think Sholay?
Not Jai,not Veeru.Its GABBAR who,in your mind does play.
Who copies His voice?
YOU do.
Who repeats Him?
YOU do.
Then why is He to be remembered as The Bad Guy?
To your self,why do you even lie?
When you see Parinda,who do you see?
In your minf,who flashes the key?
You sympathise with who?
The Hero.
But you love to see who act?
Certainly not him.Because he was The Zero.
Yet he HAS to kill the Bad Nana.
Yet he HAS to win.

Because YOU need to be happy.
Because YOUR heart needs comfort.
Because it is you who termed Nana Bad.
ANYBODY know His story?
No.
Because nobody bothers
Because everybody smothers.
YOU are scared.
YOU don’t want to be dared.

AND here i conclude.
Its YOU who terms them Good and Bad.
Its YOU who makes them and NEVER wants to be sad
Its within you.
Its within your mind.
And you never want to find
You never want to know
You never want to show
So you term them.
To save your over stitched hem.

There IS no evil
There IS no Bad.
Its only how we look at them
Its ONLY because we fill ourselves
With the dirt layer of satisfaction
And live in a weird amalgamation
Of thoughts not yet analysed
Of feelings not yet moralised
Once you come out of your rusty shelf.
You will know.He is not bad,but an Elf.
-Puja Ray.

ill be there wenever u need someone
ill be stealing looks at you,amidst ur time for fun
ill be gazing into ur eyes,wenever i get a chance
will wipe away all ur sorrows,just like u did once
ill hold ur hand in the rain,lest u slip and fall
ill be there to clean ur bruises,b4 even u give out a call
ill be there to put ur blanket on u,when u feel cold
ill be there to carry all ur burden,when there is none else to hold
ill be there when u close ur eyes,and ur feeling blue
ill do everything that it takes to change d colour of ur hue
ill wake u up everyday for class,lest u sleep it over
ill be there to find u ur perfect gurl,just as u like it,all so sober
ill be there to give u a massage,when ur legs ache
ill be there to remind u of taking ur meds,lest u forget
ill be there to draw the curtains for u,when ur tired
ill be there to control ur ac temperature,to make sur ur well catered
ill be there as d shadow,when its too sunny
ill be there to light ur zippo,whcih u got fr 100 bucks of money
ill be there to make u study for ur supplies
il try my best to calm u down and to keep u at ease
ill be there to make ur bed for u
ill be there to take care of bonnie and clyde too
ill be there to protect wth wadever i have
ill be there to remind u not to fag
ill be there to see movies wth u
ill be there to listen to u
ill be there to watch u
ill be there to embrace u
ill be there to hug u
ill be there to kiss u
ill be there,only for u...

im still standing at that zippo counter,seeing u smile,im still at kfc,listening to u,and seeing u smile again,im still there at the tyre shop,seeing u get all sweaty,im still walking wth u,and wishing i cud help,im still going around wth u,searching for colleges,im still at ur place,watching u come out all wet after a shower,i cn still smell u,i cn still taste u,im still opening ur shirt,im still trying to play fifa,im still watching u play pop,im still talking to u in ur balcony,im still getting scared wen u talk to ur mom..im still back home listening to u cry over d fone,im still online,waiting desperately for ur msgs,im still writing my diary,and saying i love u 1000 times,im still smsing u,im still reading all ur msgs,im still typing in this at fb,im still acting stupid,im still acting immature..