Confusion. God or Spirit?

I dont know what to say, about religion because I am an Agnostic.
NOT an Atheist.
Agnostic is a person who does not,NOT believe in Almighty,but is just not sure whether there is some power there or not.
Confusion basically.
And I master confusion.

I dont get it when people term it Bhagvan,Allah,Christ and all.
If I have to believe,there is probably,one power up there,somewhere,which ..I dont know..controls everything?
Thats because of the miracles that happen.
But then I think,that all Spirit and Ghost stories should be true too,right?
I havent seen either.
How do I believe in it?
But my mom prays,she says certain people have powers.
Those certain people are human beings just like me.Why dont I have them then?
Maybe because I havent concentrated enough.But what do I concentrate on?
Why does science say,there is no magic and witchcraft?
But why do backward people still believe in it?
Who are backward?
They who believe in superstitions? Or the scientists who have destroyed their beliefs and are having a cold ,subdued form of World MIND War with them?
But yet,why do I find myself,praying and saying ''God please let this happen''.when I dont believe in him actually?
Is it just in the mind? or when my prayer fruits,did God really do it?
Or was it just luck?
What is luck again?
Isnt it co-incidence?
If it is, what is an incidence?
Why do people record incidents?
Why do you preserve and want to people to know you?
Why do you collect money,and have all materialistic cravings,when you know you are going to leave the earth one day,with nothing,absolutely?
What happend when you die?
Where do you go?
Do you become a Spirit,or A GOD.?
Do people remember you?
Or do they curse you?
but how will you know?
Your dead,arent you?
So how do the Gods know?
Arent they dead as well,because you cant see them?
And they are spirits again,now,right?

Moonlight Sonata. A poem and image made to illustrate it.

The darkness grew

Just when she had no clue.

Awoken bu the owl's hoot

She rushed to the window and stared blankly

She stared unknowingly.

There was an uncanny feeling

There was a weird reeling.

The wind gushed

Like it was in a rush

Leaves floated in air

With no responsibilities to bear

The eerie feeling,felt good

Somehow,with her,it could

Communicate.

Elucidate.

The feeling within her

As she clenched the soft fur

Of the teddy she got last summer

It gave her the courage to leave it behind

To let her unwind

The rusted mechanisms that lay

Within her mind's play.

In the dream she walked

When nothingness talked

Past that lonely bench,that quirky tree

Which gave her new visions to see

The world in a new wave

The future in a new gaze

The future that would be bright

The future that would bring white light.

The surroundings became cold

The darkness grew

But she wasn't afraid,because she knew

That it was the fear within

It was the fear of her mind-made sin.

The moon was above

Her guidance was love

She knew they wouldn't leave her

She knew she could trust them.

In bliss she turned around

To see that nothing was found

No bench ,no tree

No hum of any honey-bee

The moon hid behind big dark clouds

The clouds that just enhanced

Her already heavy breathing

The floating leaves,lay on the ground,dead

They squeaked and had all turned red

The owl had disappeared

And the wind chased behind her

The thing,she most feared

She ran,she ran,she ran

She hopped ,skipped ,jumped

Through puddles and roads that bumped

Up and down,up and down,up and down

But all that increased ,was her frown

Panicked,she fell down

To find,that she was on the edge of the town

She heard a peculiar tune

She recalled them saying ''You will hear it again,soon''.

This was the time.

This was when her life would rhyme

Along with them,along with the tune,along with her fear

She knew she had to run along that same way

She knew,now she would not have a say

But a choice is not what she wanted

She wanted to show them,she was not for granted

Wiping her tears,she walked.

She walked back.

To them.Through the thorns.

Through those nasty unborns.

She faced them eye to eye.

She knew.

It was their time to cry.

In a dream she walked

When nobody talked

And the darkness grew

When she laid the clue.

Freedom.

With a catastrophe of restrictions we walked

Past superficial attitudes , as we laughed

Held back with the pressures of the outsides,

We went restricted in in the life’s ride

In claustrophobic surroundings ,

We unhappily followed all abidings

But as the clock ticked,

With an effort of ourselves to be lit

We came her.

And not thinking , we started in top gear

We started running along in this race

Which ,as taught, was more of a chase

But then there was an abrupt stop

And what we experienced was a ‘’wake up’’ knock.

We stood there confused

Our mind triggers , diffused

It was a weird feeling

That got all our heads reeling

We tasted something so sweet , yet so sour

Felt like years went by , just in an hour

We were bound together

We were for each other.

For once selfishness did not matter

For once our minds were out of that clutter.

We looked around in hypnosis

We chucked all vague efforts of making any analysis.

So many colors

So many smiles

So many teasers

So much , after walking miles

Millions within our reach

And all our minds that could now teach

Teachers became friends for once

We left behind all our mind-made fears for once

For once we did not care

For once we did share

Our thoughts ,our expressions,

Our feelings , our emotions

So different ,yet so similar

Poles apart , yet familiar

This feeling was better than marijuana , wine or rum

This is how NID , bound us together with FREEDOM.

I wrote this poem,as a part of our Visual Language course.

Just describing what NID has done to us,to me,more of.

Which,umm..was not really the purpose of the given assignment.

But,nevermind.